Written by Vanessa Hall
Some people go blindly into relationships without thinking about it, sometimes being seem left confused and hurt later.
Other people seem to have a built in radar, or a fear about whether or not they should trust someone, sometimes missing out on what might have been a great relationship.
Most, if not all of us, have been there - the relationship that went horribly wrong. The trust that was there at the start was broken, shattered, and left us bitter, angry, disappointed, and just a little wiser, we hope.
Trust is something we all need. Every relationship needs to have trust. So what is trust? Trust is our ability to RELY on:
I call these ENPs. Our expectations come from previous experiences we"ve had (good or bad), from things we"ve heard or seen, and from like experiences; for example I"ve been out with a mechanic before. It was awful, so now I have an expectation that all future relationships with mechanics will be awful.
Our needs drive us into our relationships and interactions in the first place. We might have a need for a companion, someone to go out and have fun with, someone who makes us look good, who looks after us and cooks for us, or someone who is creative and exciting. Our needs are different, and they change over time as well.
The promises that others make to us actually draw us into a relationship with that particular person over another. The promises could be explicit like marriage vows, a promise to take you out somewhere lovely for dinner, or a promise to take out the garbage, for instance.
So the outcome we want in our relationships is that all our expectations will be met, all our needs we have of that relationship are met, and all the promises they make to us are kept.
That´s a pretty big ask. But we rely on that. We go into the relationship relying, trusting, that the experience we are going to have is just like that.
Here"s where it gets messy! Every time any one of those expectations or needs are not met, or the promises are not kept, the trust starts to waver.
The more that are not met or kept, the more the whole things start to crumble.
Eventually the whole thing collapses and the trust falls and breaks.
Of course, we all know what happened to Humpty when he fell – and the same goes for our trust. All the king"s horses and all the king"s men can"t put it together again. Remember – your trust is fragile. Handle it with care! Visit www.entente.com.au
