Written by Dr John Demartini
"It is said that whenever a friend reported enthusiastically, "I have just been promoted!" Carl Jung would say, "I'm very sorry to hear that, but if we all stick together I'm sure we'll get through it." If a friend arrived depressed and ashamed saying, "I've just been fired," Jung would say, "Let's open a bottle of wine; this is wonderful news, something good will happen now."
There is a common belief that love is only the nice, positive, and supportive side of the equation of life. My experience however in working with thousands of people around the world is that there is a vastly more powerful noumenon*, which I call love.
Instead of a one sided energy, true love emerges from a state of emotional balance. One of the purposes for example of having a partner is to maintain a loving equilibrium. If one partner is manic and up, the other partner's role is to help bring him back down into balance. If one is down and depressed the other will help lift them up. That's how relationships work. Every husband does the same thing for his wife and vice versa. If one partner becomes cocky, the other brings them down. If one becomes deflated the other helps them up. This balancing act is what maintains the divine order or true love.
In the past I would come home from my office after a ‘big day'. I'd see a pile of patients, provide a load of service and make lots of money. I'd just be thinking:, "Oh, wow what a day! Anybody want to touch me for luck?" I would then drive home in my Jaguar all cocky and elated, "Oh, man, what a day!"
I'd sail home and… boom! Slam-dunk. "Where the hell have you been? We were supposed to go out to dinner almost an hour ago. Did you pick up what I asked you for? Who do you think you are, anyway?" I would come down with a crash because I didn't understand how that was actually great love.
It took me a while to appreciate the balance because my first immature response was. "Well, thanks very much. I was so up and positive and I had such a great day. How come you are putting me down? I work so hard and you don't support me. Damn it, everybody else sees how great I am. What the hell's wrong with you?"
And do you know what would happen? No intimate activities for a week. I would get humbled because we're not here to be right, we're here to be love. These two sides make up true love. I was surrounded by love, but I was addicted to the pleasure at work and resentful to the balancing pain at home. I eventually realised that every time I came home cocky, I wasn't present with my family. And if I wasn't present and in love with my family, the slam-dunk is what returned me to being present with them. And if I came home down and really depressed, there she was, lifting me up. I realised if I wanted to come home and find love there, I'd better not be elated or cocky.
So on the drive home I would be thinking: all right, what patient did I forget to call? What paperwork did I forget to do? I would humble myself and not walk into the house until I felt centered and present. And like for any true science, which is reproducible, if you do that, you will repeatedly have a loving wife at home. It is absolutely amazing. You literally have the power to change the state of your partner, from a distance, by going into the state of balanced love. When you have true love you see the balance all around you. When you have a one sided emotion you get the other side to center you and bring you back to true and balanced love. This is the divine order at work.
You will never attract an opportunity without a challenge, and happiness comes hand in hand with sadness. If you would love to be the director of your own life then equilibrate your perceptions, balance your emotions and you will become liberated. By equilibration I don't mean indifference or apathy. I mean a point of inner balance and poise that is beyond emotional extremes. The heart only opens when the mind becomes consciously equilibrated. While imbalanced emotions close it down. I now understand why St. Augustine emphasized that, "The will of God is equilibrium."
(*Noumenon–that which is conceivable to the mind but not perceptible to the senses, such as God or the soul.)
Dr John Demartini is a best selling author and international speaker. Visit www.drdemartini.com
