By Jonathan Jackson
Dr Phil McGraw's theories on relationships and approach to solutions tend to divide audiences, participants and critics. Yet he has one simple message: your life is your own, use it wisely.
Is he a human behaviourist, or merely a television host with a degree in psychology and a global audience? There's no doubting his allure, at its September 2002 launch, The Dr Phil Show garnered the highest ratings of any new syndicated show since the launch of The Oprah Winfrey Show 17 years prior. He has been a ratings winner for the seven seasons he has been on air, although ratings have recently slipped. In fact he has had a hard time of things lately with speculation about the 'rocky' relationship with his wife hitting tabloids, as well as his stoush with Oprah commanding media attention.
These would be worrying signs for Dr Phil. There is word that the television show will be revamped, but for many people the good doctor is more than the sum of his producers and television support staff. Dr Phil is the man who brings reality to lives, who ensures that people strip bare their fears and confront their shortcomings. Dr Phil urges people to 'get real' about their lives and start contributing to their own personal development. Or put succinctly, and in his big Texan drawl, "shed a life strategy for losers."
Dr Phil is about living life strategically and exploring the role of relationships within a chosen life. It is through this exploration that success in all its formats is attained.
"...Success is not a random phenomenon," he writes. "Rather, success is achieved through purposeful living. That takes planning, commitment, and some very tough 'truth talk'."
In an interview with Associations Now deputy editor Kristin Clarke, he stated that "my basic opinion is that if you don't have a plan in your life, you're kind of like a missile without a guidance system. Using all the energy in the world, you just wind up right back where you started or in a place you don't want to go. You've got to have a plan, which means you've got to have an objective, something that you're working toward in your life. It's true of your children and of you as an adult. It doesn't mean that your plans don't change, but you've got to always have something you're navigating toward."
The catch here is that sometimes you need someone to push you off the cliff with a glider on your back so you can learn to navigate. In his book, Real Life Dr Phil writes about the power of a mentor, referring to a flight instructor who taught him to fly … in more ways than one.
"I was just a teenager when I started taking lessons, but he 'saw' into my future in that airplane. About the time I was finishing my training, he told me that I had checked all the boxes, done all the drills, met all of the requirements, and could certainly go get my license and wing happily off into the wild blue yonder. He then paused and said something that really got my attention. I have never forgotten that moment standing next to the plane on a grass landing strip outside a small town in north Texas. "Phil," he said, "you've got the basics, you know how to get 'er up and down and around the 'patch,' and frankly you ain't half bad. But I have come to know you, and I know just as sure as I'm standing here that you are going to need more than you got. You won't play at this flying stuff, you will attack it and make it a big part of your life rather than flying to Grandma's house on a nice clear Sunday afternoon. You're going to be out there 'mixing it up' come rain or come shine, daylight or dark, and that's okay, but the truth is things just happen when you mix it up. Maybe it will be your fault for being too aggressive, or maybe you will just be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but chances are that somewhere along the way this plane will carry you into a crisis. When you are airborne, all you've got is yourself. You'd have to depend on who you are, and if you aren't prepared for it ahead of time you can die in this airplane. So it's up to you — but know that it may come and if it does, you will be one of two types of pilots: one who was ready and survives to tell the story, or one who wasn't and doesn't."
This early anecdote goes a long way to explaining Dr Phil's 'get real', tough love stance toward his studio guests. From an early age, he was taught to stand on his own two feet; to make mistakes and learn from them. This is his message, as basic as it sounds and it seems to work.
Unfortunately, some people aren't that great at seeing their mistakes let alone learning from them. Dr Phil mastered the flying part. All the practice, all the drills came down to one moment where he learnt exactly what was inside him and how that could contribute to his success.
For those who can't see the forest for the trees life is tough and it's even tougher to ask for help. In some cases people need to be reminded that help is available to them. When the Virginia Tech massacre occurred in the United States in 2007, Dr Phil, with talk show host Larry King and several who were involved with the tragedy, explored how traumatised students could deal with the shock and how they could learn from this and move on.
"They have to be able to understand that you've got to get help for this. If you're starting to lose sleep, if you're starting to have poor quality sleep, if you're starting to have nightmares, if you're getting irritability and anxiety and an inability to concentrate, recognize that this is a very predictable outcropping of this kind of traumatic exposure in your life and you need to reach out and get professional help for it."
That is the thing about Dr Phil, in spite of the theatrics of his television show he really does care and as a doctor looks to get to the bottom of issues. While he talks about the desensitisation to violence of those who are disturbed in some way, he says there are warning signs and we can spot them before things go too far.
Perhaps the problem is that we are not only desensitised to things such as violence, but to the emotions of others as well. This is why Dr Phil's show can be so confronting. While Virginia is an example in the extreme, the guests Dr Phil has on his show have all suffered varying degrees of emotional and physical trauma and he continues to champion those who suffer from such silent epidemics as domestic violence, child abuse, depression, racism, substance abuse and other health issues that are prevalent in society, but go largely undiscussed by their victims.
The lack of discussion leads to anger and as Dr Phil says, "Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration."
It is really only when you can overcome the fear that you are able to move on in life. However moving on also requires action. "Awareness without action is worthless," he says.
Dr Phil is a controversial figure and has never been far from news headlines. His credentials stand up. He graduated in 1975 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology, he went on to earn a Master's degree in experimental psychology in 1976, and a Ph.D in clinical psychology in 1979 at the University of North Texas, where his dissertation was titled Rheumatoid Arthritis: A Psychological Intervention. He followed in his father's footsteps and joined the elder's private psychology practice.
In 1983, Dr Phil and his father joined Thelma Box, a successful Texas business woman, in presenting "Pathways" seminars, "an experiencebased training which allows individuals to achieve and create their own results." (NB: He was later sanctioned and was unable to practice psychology in an individual capacity.)
Pathways was to be the foundation for his shows and provides the philosophies by which he conducts these shows today. In 1990, he joined lawyer Gary Dobbs, the son of his college football coach, in co-founding Courtroom Sciences, Inc. (CSI), a trial consulting firm through which brought him into contact with Oprah Winfrey.
In 1995, Oprah hired CSI to prepare her for the Amarillo Texas beef trial. So impressed with Dr Phil, she thanked him for her victory in that case, which ended in 1998 and soon after invited him to appear on her show. His appearance proved so successful that he began appearing weekly as a relationship and life strategy expert.
The following year, Dr Phil published his first best-selling book, Life Strategies, most of which was taken from Pathways and in the next four years, he published three additional best-selling relationship books, along with workbooks to complement them.
By September, 2002, McGraw formed Peteski Productions and launched his own syndicated daily television show, Dr. Phil, produced by Oprah's Harpo Studios.
Though it has arguably declined into tabloid territory, the show is not necessarily a reflection of Dr Phil's motives or personal philosophies. He has faced his own crises; bad decisions in the past 12 months have landed the show's producers in more than enough hot water, yet in his own words "you have the duty and gift of living. You don't have the right to sit on the sidelines – use your life and get back into the game."
Dr. Phil is the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers: Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters; Relationship Rescue: A Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner; Self Matters: Creating Your Life From the Inside Out; The Ultimate Weight Solution: The Seven Keys to Weight Loss Freedom; Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family and Love Smart: Find the One You Want, Fix the One You Got. Dr. Phil is also the author of the New York Times bestseller The Ultimate Weight Solution Cookbook: Recipes for Weight Loss Freedom as well as The Ultimate Weight Solution Food Guide. His books have been published in 39 languages with over 24 million copies in print. His latest book is Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, and gives readers a solid plan on how to cope with the most demanding days in their lives.
