Mindset

Maybe it is best to get some insight directly from women around the world before we can begin to establish what is actually happening. I spent time speaking with local single women in major cities in Ireland, Hawaii, Peru, Cambodia and Australia and came to some interesting conclusions that were not altogether surprising. I interviewed women that ranged from 18 – 50 years, all of whom had never been married. I asked questions that varied from how they felt about being single to what the men and women in their country choose when looking for a mate. I can easily summarize their answers in three distinct discussions – what a woman wants in their mate, why they think they are single, and why they are not attracting their perfect match.

It is extraordinary simple what a woman looks for when choosing a mate and what they think a man looks for. Women want a man who can provide for them and men want a woman who is feminine and nurturing. Depending on each woman’s culture the definition varies slightly. What constitutes a provider in a developing country versus a western one? In Cambodia it is a man with a job, a house or apartment, a nice smile and kind eyes. In Peru it is a man who can feed the family and provide a roof over their heads. In Hawaii it is a man who has a great job, a house on the beach and shares an outdoor lifestyle with his partner. In Australia and Ireland it is a man with an outstanding job, an incredible house, a great circle of friends, a brilliant understanding of romance . . . a good dresser, nice eyes, and oh yes - a nice smile! All of the women I spoke to gave examples of how they think a man defines being feminine and nurturing. At the top of the list is good grooming, preparing meals, acknowledging the man through compliments, and bearing his children. The problem here is that many modern women are not fulfilled by these expectations.

The main reason these women said they are still single is because they are all looking for more in their relationships. Overall they wanted more romance, more fulfillment and more love. Could this be the attitude of consumerism rearing its ugly head or is it something deeper? Perhaps having access to better education has led to an ongoing quest for self discovery and self improvement. What I found to be most interesting is that the decision to remain single, or postpone marriage has come from the fact that it is easier. Although families and social groups in developing nations still put pressure on single women to be married, suddenly the voice of new generations have surpassed the strong pressures and beliefs of the past. Prearranged marriage is still important in places like Cambodia and Peru yet even now, much to the dismay of many parents, women are pursuing love and success on their own.

I also asked if each of these ladies knew why they had not yet attracted their match and none had a clear answer. I would attribute this to the Law of Attraction. By digging deeper into the concepts behind attraction then you will discover that the more incongruencies that exist the less the law works. With new desires clashing with old cultural norms this may explain a lot of the confusion. The more educated one is the more quality questions they ask. Instead of simply believing in attracting a mate quite often what follows is a long list of prerequisites ready to cloud the clarity required to make this law work. Where do these desired qualities even come from? Are they from the heart of the seeker or are they what society values? The trick to the Law of Attraction is to be congruent and to live as though you already have what you want. With so much confusion about what is better - to be single or not to be single – it is a surprise that any clarity can be achieved. Of course the findings were that each woman was confused about what she actually wanted.

We live in a world where romance is quickly becoming one of the top values of a successful relationship and security through marriage is not as important as it used to be. I truly got a sense when speaking with these women that they attributed their single status to either not having met the right person, not having many opportunities to meet new people, and also realizing the positive aspects of being single. When seeking a relationship, priorities must shift to accommodate it, and with more educated and financially secure women around the world the priorities towards marriage are changing. Is singleness a choice or a burden? Is love more important than institution? What will happen as social expectations continue to shift? Perhaps the thing to remember is that what is right for one person may not be right for another and as the world shifts further away from poverty and closer to globalization it will also shift towards self empowerment. Having a partner can be fulfilling yet being single may be just as fulfilling. And you know what they say – the moment you stop obsessing about the label of being single you may very well attract the relationship you are looking for.