By Peter Wink
To be an efficient, effective, successful dealmaker, you must be able to keep negotiations moving along smoothly. A big part of the dealmaking process is managing conflict.
There are two ways to manage conflict.
1. Avoid conflicts from the start.
2. Resolve conflicts when they arise.
Warning: Conflicts always happen at the least opportune time. Before I get too far, I want to define conflict as it relates to dealmaking.
A conflict can be a small quarrel with the ‘other side' or an all-out war! In general, a conflict is a situation arising when two or more people disagree on terms or concessions during a negotiation. Sometimes conflicts even appear as the result of personality conflicts or communication breakdowns. No matter where they begin – they need to end quickly.
Most people get flustered, agitated, angry and irritated when a conflict rears its ugly head because they believe that a conflict is automatically negative. Not necessarily. Case-in-point – think of the last time you had a major conflict with another person personally or professionally. Did the two of you get into a conflict because you didn't care about the outcome? Of course not! You both cared enough about the situation to try and come up with a solution. If you didn't care to come to a resolution, there wouldn't be a need for a conflict. You both could have simply walked away. The same holds true during the dealmaking process.
When you break conflicts down, you usually find they're not really positive or negative, just a neutral opportunity. In most cases, even negative conflicts can be turned around to become opportunities fairly quickly. You just have to know how to manage them. And now you will!
In my experience, the root of most conflicts stems from a lack of communication between the two (or more) parties involved in the deal. More often than not, one or more of the parties didn't understand another's real intentions.
Let's quickly discuss both values and beliefs.
There are two different types of values:
Let's explore them both as they relate to our dealmaking purposes.
A: Moving-toward values.
These are values that people strive to achieve. Examples of moving-toward values include success, love, security, intimacy, freedom, comfort, passion, health, adventure and power.
Never expect a conservative individual or company to take too many risks in a deal. If they value security and you challenge it, they're sure to get very nervous, defensive, and more than likely back out of the deal.
B: Moving-away from values.
These are values people will avoid at all cost. They include anger, guilt, rejection, fear, failure, humiliation, frustration, loneliness and depression.
If the other side demonstrates any of these values and you violate or accelerate them, you're deal is doomed from the get-go.
These values are to be avoided like the plague.
Next, you have to make sure you do not violate people's beliefs.
Many people feel they're superior in power, strength, service, and/or quality. Let them believe it and don't question it. If you question the ‘other side's' beliefs, they may become very defensive. Work around their opinions of themselves and play to their ego!
Keep in mind that conflict is common during negotiations. So common, you need to learn how to deal with it. In fact, as you already know, conflict is common in every part of life. It's been going on since the days of Adam and Eve.
A couple of other quick points are you should never take conflict personally and never insult anyone personally during the dealmaking process. Remember, its just business. Focus on the dealmaking issues at hand and leave personal feelings out.
Let's get started by learning the four basic forms of conflict. They are…
Conflicts typically rear their ugly head at the most unlikely times. I wish I had a dollar for every time I thought a deal was going smoothly and all of a sudden the other side presented a major challenge. These challenges are typically the result of one of the eight common causes of conflict listed below.
Let's go through each of the eight common causes of conflict.
Ever since the beginning of time, people have had different opinions and perceptions of the same exact issues and events because each of us has different references and experiences we draw information from.
When you're dealing with issues as technical and complex as those you'll find during dealmaking, you must communicate articulately, effectively, concisely, and quickly. Both you and the other side must be clear about what you want and be able to accurately communicate it. Vagaries, harangues and other nebulous talk will usually lead to both short and long-term conflict.
Many conflicts arise from misaligned or incongruent goals between you and the other side.
Most people have been guided through life by the same values and beliefs since they were very young. It's important to understand the other side's values and beliefs, so you don't violate them. If you violate their values and/or beliefs, they will get defensive and conflict is sure to arise.
Every individual or group has a different personality/dynamic. Some people will click with each other better than others. Unfortunately, when it comes to dealmaking, you can't just dismiss or avoid people you don't get along with.
When both sides expect to receive a concession, and they don't get it, conflict will result.
Third parties are people who negotiate on behalf of another person or group. Third parties include outside executives, managers, lawyers, consultants, accountants, friends, or family members. Always remember the old saying —"Too many cooks spoil the broth." Now change it to read, "Too many negotiators spoil the deal." In other words, if you can, avoid third parties and deal directly with the other side.
Strong-arming is the act of using force, the threat of force, or other types of unnecessary pressure to get the other side to accept your terms.
Never coerce anyone into doing anything they're not comfortable with. Strong-arming will come back to haunt you.
I'll say it again; every negotiator (even the best) ends up in a conflict sooner or later. Now that you know the eight basic conflicts, you need to learn how to manage conflicts when they arise. We'll cover this in the next issue of ThinkBig magazine.
Peter Wink is a negotiating expert and bestselling author of Negotiate Your Way to Riches and Buying Secrets Retailers DON'T Want You to Know About. www.buyingsecretsretailersdontwantyoutoknowabout.com
