Trust is one of those funny things. We think that, because we trust someone in one situation that we can take that same trust and extend it into another situation. The thing is, sometimes it works, but often it doesn’t.

What we need to realise is that there is such a thing as situational trust. This is simply a rule that says you can’t always trust the same person in multiple situations in your life.

Let me explain. I define trust as our ability to RELY on:

• A person, or people
• Companies and organisations
• Products and services

To deliver an outcome to us.

What happens with trust is that, when we have it in a relationship, it’s great. Things are calm, there’s less conflict, things don’t always go right, but you can at least sit down and have a conversation about it when something’s not right. Because this is good, we then automatically continue to extend trust without thinking about these three core things I talk about constantly:

1. What am I expecting now?
2. What do I really need?
3. Can this person promise to meet those expectations and needs?

When we don’t think about these ENPs® as I call them, and don’t communicate them, disaster strikes! Let’s look at an example:

Now, I draw my model for trust like a wall, after all, we do talk about building trust, so we have, in this case, Julie’s expectations of Ted, her needs, and the promises he has made to her, mostly implicitly.

Julie had trusted Ted in one situation, as a dating partner, and extended it so that she was trusting him as a house sitter. What she failed to do was to explain to Ted what she expected him to do while she was away, explain what she really needed from him, and to see if he was prepared to promise that to her.

Once Ted realised she expected him to keep the place tidy, wash and mop the floor, wash the dog, do some grocery shopping, and so on, he may have decided that he didn’t want to stay! Or he may have been happy to do that. Either way, the whole outcome would have been different if the ENP® conversation had occurred.

In my experience, most people do want to be trusted. We just need to learn when to trust people, how to communicate that we are trusting them, and when to make sure we are clear about what others are trusting us for.

Remember, trust is fragile handle it with care.